I have this weird theory that some people are drawn to each other because their atoms were near each other when the universe was created and over time the same atoms keep coming back together
DID YOU JUST SCIENTIFICALLY EXPLAIN SOUL MATES?!
It’s too early to be thinking about this shit
at my wedding, I want 9 people dressed up as the members of the fellowship of the ring to attend and halfway through the vows they stand up and start arguing until the one dressed up as Frodo shouts “I will do it, I will take the ring to the bride!”
then it just falls silent as he slowly brings me the Ring of Power
YOUR BODY IS BEAUTIFUL IF:
- you have a body
- that’s it
- you’re beautiful
- you win
You have potentially offended hundreds if not thousands of ghosts.
Not to mention the floating heads. wtg.
totally flawless. She’s such a gorgeous human being and her hair right now is so spot on lovely for her.
i was basically told that women should be polite when they call men out for catcalling
ill redefine the motherfucking word polite god damn webster dictionary gonna erase the word polite from everybody’s vocabulary if I ever hear someone tell me…
"It’s as if men do not care what i have to say regardless of the presentation" So why not be super polite, smile pretty, and let them continue to look like the ass instead of losing your temper and giving them the satisfaction of calling you anything else after you walk away. Catcalling is wrong, and yes, men should be called out for it. But I’m a very, very firm believer in the fact that angry confrontations and losing your temper don’t do anybody any long term good. The only way you’re going to change someone’s mind/opinion is by taking the high road. The low road may briefly change a behavior, but positive reinforcement does so much better in performing true change in the world.
So I wasn’t going to reply to this because it annoyed me too much, but I’m going to because I’m not going to stop thinking about it.
The men who are resorting to catcalling and harassment are not men that are going to rethink their actions when you say with a smile on your face, “I do not like what you did. It was rude.” No matter what I say or how I say it, getting a reaction is what they want. I’m not required to make the interaction civil for them. It’s ludicrous to suggest that I shove down anger, disgust, and fear in order to “take the high road” when it’s pretty clear that cat callers aren’t going to change their behavior regardless of my tone of voice.
Why not be super polite, smile pretty, and let them continue to look like an ass instead of losing my temper and giving them the satisfaction of calling me anything else after I walk away? Because I don’t look like an ass, and if you think that a woman— even one who looses her temper in a public place because of extreme disrespect and harassment— looks like an ass for calling out her harassers, you should very seriously take a look at why you think that.
For another thing, street harassment has been so internalized as something that is, perhaps not acceptable but not something worth preventing/intervening, that people typically don’t even look at catcallers as looking like asses. So they continue to get away with doing what they are doing to women. A few eye rolls in their direction is not going to hurt their egos, nor is it going to change their behavior. Certainly politely asking someone to kindly stop doing what they are doing is not going to change their behavior either.
Also, you should consider what you are saying a little closer: you have just asked the ones being harassed to be in charge of altering the behavior of their harassers. It’s a form of victim blaming to suggest that I should temper my reaction to these men so that I can lead them towards the high road. I have absolutely zero obligation to treat these people with respect, considering the only interaction I have with them is when they instigate, without provocation or reason, a brief relationship based on disrespect and harassment. I also, personally, have no obligation to attempt to change their behavior. That’s the job of society at large. That’s the job of bystanders who are not in danger of being physically harmed if they step in.
I was once cornered up against a building and had a man start undressing right in front of me, telling me that I was pretty and to tell him if I thought he was ugly. When I politely said, “I don’t think you’re ugly, but I’d like to go,” would you like to know his reaction? Crowd me closer to the building, get more demanding, and ask me again, “Are you sure you don’t think I’m ugly?”
In my experience, being polite has never stopped anyone from harassing me. In my experience, getting in their face or yelling at them from a distancing or flipping them the middle finger has been a hell of a lot more effective than “taking the high road.”
I’m happy that you’re a firm believer in taking the high road to alter the behavior of your aggressors, but do not preach to me how I should treat men who disrespect me. In the moment that someone is harassing me, I’m not thinking about their feelings or the long term effects of my screaming at them. If they stop bothering me— and they typically do when I fight back— that is what I need to feel safe, and that is what I will continue to do.
TL/DR: I completely 100% disagree with your opinion of how I choose to react to street harassment, and I will not be altering my behavior in favor of a supposed moral high road.
I’m not blaming victims. I’m not telling people they’re wrong for responding emotionally. I’m not PREACHING to anybody, but I do have just as much a right to make comment about the post as you do. My point is that doing so is putting a bandaid on the problem. “I also, personally, have no obligation to attempt to change their behavior. That’s the job of society at large. That’s the job of bystanders who are not in danger of being physically harmed if they step in." I get what you’re saying here. And I sympathize 100%. It’s a scary situation, and no, a victim should not have to be responsible for saving themselves. But we cannot also always depend on those around us to protect us or stand up for ourselves. You and I are part of society. We are part of that change. If you are in a situation to begin that change, and don’t, you’re setting a standard that it’s okay to talk about it in theory but not actually follow through with the change.
A cat-caller is different from the situation you described you went through, too. They’re both forms of harassment, but at vastly different degrees. Different situations require different action. I completely agree that if you are in a situation where you are feeling physically threatened, being cornered, touched, etc, you are MORE THAN empowered to fight back. You should. And you can argue that catcalling leads to harassment and so forth and it can. You know who follows that path? Men who started out as cat-callers, and decided the women they cat-called deserved. Please don’t put words into my mouth; I never said I felt like women who react in anger DESERVE to be treated badly or are anything less than human. What I’m saying is that these men who feel no respect for women are not going to respect you more for screaming at them. It’s going to further desensitize them from you, because it’s how they think. They’re not seeing you as human. They’re seeing you as an animal, or a thing, that’s not reacting the way they want you too. Like children, they’re going to react the same way. They’re going to get angry and aggressive in return. Maybe not right then. Maybe you’ve put a bandaid on the problem. Maybe you feel better, which is great, and maybe they don’t catcall you again as you walk away, but you’ve just told that man (and let me be clear again, I’m addressing cat-calling, not more intrusive or aggressive forms of harassment) that he really doesn’t have any more reason to respect you.
These people are CHILDREN. Some are bad, some are just plain ignorant. And YES. There are still just plain ignorant people in the world. Yelling at a child for bad behavior might scare them temporarily, or it might make them fear you for the long-term. But fear does NOT lead to change. It leads to resentment, not respect. If you want someone to respect you, and you’re in a position show them what respect is, you should take it. Yelling at cat-callers, furthers the cycle of disrespect, whereas turning around, telling them they’re being rude and degrading and disrespectful in a calm manner may not change their behavior right away, but it marks you as human. It marks you as someone demanding respect and setting an example of what respect is. You should take the opportunity to lead by example at any time you can, ESPECIALLY if you call yourself a proponent of change.
As women, we should feel empowered to stand up for ourselves. We should call out cat-callers, and fight back against our aggressors. I’m not blaming any one who’s been a victim of these things because it’s scary. It’s intense. Sometimes, you can’t fight back and YES, in those situations I HOPE a bystander is around to help. But in a situation where it’s merely a cat-caller being audibly degrading and not someone who’s actually making you feel physically threatened, women should feel empowered to make a difference. They shouldn’t feel like just because someone calls something rude to them that they should have to wait for someone else to step in.
There’s a huge difference between being polite and being submissive, and that’s the point I meant to be getting at though, even if it didn’t come across that way to some of you. The original post, to me, basically said “polite=submissive” and it DOESN’T. Polite is treating people around you with civility, even if they don’t always deserve it. You are responsible for setting a standard though. Each of us is responsible for setting a standard for how others should treat us. In general, day-to-day terms: if you can’t treat the people around you with respect, then you give them no reason to treat you with respect. When you argue that “They were rude to you first,” you end up in an endless cycle of mistreatment and aggressive behavior, instead of stopping the cycle and seeking positive change. It’s not a principle that applies to every situation, obviously, such as the one described earlier, but again, that’s not quite the situation I was addressing.
Someone please remind me what noteworthy accomplishment Emma Watson has achieved that makes anyone care about any of her political opinions.
Emma Watson is a Brown educated UN Goodwill Ambassador. She’s been incredibly active in fighting for women’s rights,…